I Am Beginning to Question Tommy "I Don't Want No" Smokes Dedication to #TEAMPORTNOY

So yesterday Marty Mush decided to give this whole union thing a go and I immediately jumped on board. I have zero complaints with my job at the moment but some day I’m gonna want to move back from China and I’m afraid that without a union Portnoy will have the power to just be like “Uhh I don’t think so. We hired you as our Asian correspondent so guess what? You’re staying in Asia!”

Unfortunately, Davey P and his #TEAMPORTNOY scabs came in and put the kabash on our unionization efforts pretty quickly. Today I had a chance to take a look at an extended cut of all of this going down .

I have to say I was extremely impressed by the Fat Pen’s loyalty to the cause. All I had to do was shout “FAT PEN ATTACK” and Big Ev and Glenny were pounding YP’s rib cage faster than they pounded their meat after a long night of getting blue balled by female caddies in Atlantic City.

What I WAS NOT impressed by was Tommy Smokes clear lack of dedication to the #TEAMPORTNOY cause. As YP got pummeled by a combined 600 pounds of man meat, he hightailed it THE FUCK outta there.

He seems to have forgotten that TEAM PORTNOY is in fact, A TEAM. It requires not only undying loyalty to Portnoy, but also every other one of Portnoy’s pawns. So while YP proved that he will ride or die for the Portnoy cause, even if it means being thrown into the Fat Pen troth and devoured by hogs, I have severe doubts about Tommy. If he’ll leave one of his brown nosing brothers in the trenches, who’s to say he won’t abandon Dave if the blue check mark brigade ever finds their collective nutsack and decides to run up on him in the streets. People forget the Deadspin HQ is only 15 minutes from Barstool HQ.